tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61260752012-01-12T23:40:52.320+13:00I am a woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, auntie, friend... living in beautiful New Zealand. This blog is an evolving record of my journey as I navigate through life. Current hot topics are motherhood, postnatal depression, living sustainably and anything else which takes my fancy.Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.comBlogger1891100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-15592361747618776302011-09-03T18:56:00.001+12:002011-09-03T20:25:36.800+12:00

Gosh it is tough being on my own. If i were a mother machine i would be fine. Calmly getting through each day, life working smoothly. Balancinug work, home and my other commitments with grace and poise. If you are one of these mothers then you must be on stronger drugs or some kind of bionic sci fi experiment. I think if i could be cloned then i could just about manage it. Instead i have found it

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-16989410021039130742011-08-27T22:36:00.001+12:002011-08-27T22:56:39.643+12:00

I just finished watching shadowlands, the film about C.S lewis and the loss of his wife. The film deals with his struggle to make sense of love, loss and pain and how it can exist alongside faith in a loving God. One of my favourite lines is a"we live to know we are not alone". Nick has been away for nearly a week. The first couple of days were physically painful as i faced the time he is away

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-66800700716050827392011-08-21T20:18:00.001+12:002011-08-21T20:59:18.469+12:00

In less than 48 hours hubby flies to Spain for two and a half weeks. He will be having an adventure with his best mate. They have been friends since childhood and still argue about which one of them peed in the bath. Hubby has had a travel itch for a while and i decided that before we settle down and have a mortgage, he should scratch it. Lots of people have asked him what he did to convince me

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-19226504898779138652011-08-21T20:15:00.001+12:002011-08-21T20:15:42.938+12:00

A friend has just started writing a blog about her life and what she has been thinking about. She mentioned me in her first post. It is very flattering to be mentioned, let alone linked to. It is good to be reminded of the impact each of our journeys can have on the people around you, if you just have the courage to share. It can be tempting to use privacy as a way to ccontinue the illusion that

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-25108455195093850802011-08-14T14:57:00.001+12:002011-08-14T17:49:12.666+12:00

This  is my first mobile post  so excuse te typos. Deciding to do what  is best for  me is easier  said than done. Knowing does  not make me want to make good choices. I don't seem to want to live with the reality of what i say i want to do. Very Paul. I don't  often feel biblical.:) So will power doesn't seem to be the answer. Maybe acceptance of my reality is a better approach. I have been

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-32043218846710109222011-08-01T13:33:00.000+12:002011-08-01T13:33:43.809+12:00

The last several weeks have been like I have suddenly started running, after standing still and looking around for quite a while. Buying a house has given me a sense of security and certainty that I think I have been longing for for a very long time. We haven't even moved yet but the fact that we have made decisions about what the next wee while will be like and where we will be based and that

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-14110869103080399402011-07-18T19:58:00.000+12:002011-07-18T19:58:52.907+12:00

I would say I fall into the peacemaker personality type. I hate conflict and the idea of hurting people's feelings. I also hate the idea that people are thinking bad things about me. But I am slowly accepting the fact that in spite of sounding like that makes me a nice person to be around, it is not so nice to be that person. And probably isn't very good for growing relationships with integrity.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-19920275992488771312011-07-05T21:20:00.001+12:002011-07-05T21:33:58.460+12:00

It seems like the last couple of years I have been gradually having to face up to who I really am. I feel like I have always struggled to feel that I am acceptable, lovable and okay just as me. Because of this I have continually aspired to be a different version of myself, a version that I thought would be more palatable and would fit in when I should and stand out when I wanted to. In the past I

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-29270124458649564962011-07-04T21:00:00.000+12:002011-07-04T21:00:41.761+12:00

You have probably caught up with the news that we have bought a house! Well we are in the process and hope to go unconditional in the next week. It has been such a relief and definitely not as stressful as the other house we put an offer on but didn't get. This house ticks all our boxes and we are so excited about it. But we have a couple of months before we move in and in the mean time we are

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-63609802508384509572011-07-04T20:35:00.000+12:002011-07-04T20:35:01.922+12:00

If you have been reading along recently you would have seen my tooing and froing about what I should be doing with my life right now. I have felt like my head is full of possibilities and possible versions of me and I have been confused about what I want and what I can actually manage. Lots of words like should and could have been flying around and deep down I have wanted to find some peace, some

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-3381374043055804282011-06-13T21:29:00.000+12:002011-06-13T21:29:42.153+12:00

There are many reasons for my lack of posts recently but the main one is that we have started looking for a house to buy. Suddenly, after years of being mildly bemused by our friends who were buying their own places we wanted our own patch of dirt to call home. It helps that it wasn't so much of a fantasy thanks to the saving we have been doing. And there we were, bright eyed and bushy

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-16173192322965620152011-05-29T22:57:00.000+12:002011-05-29T22:57:32.418+12:00

I always want to do and be more. I have the kind of personality who always wants to achieve more and I want to be one of those people who make a difference. Throw in some perfectionism, being a dreamer and problem solver, naive optimism and a bit of arrogance and you have a recipe for completely unrealistic expectations of what one person can do. Often these expectations come with total blindness

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-64496582148023045142011-05-29T22:17:00.000+12:002011-05-29T22:17:11.346+12:00

I haven't written for a while. I have been busy. About the time I wrote my last post I made a decision to stop facing backwards with my head and heart in the past and start facing forward, taking what I have learned, scars and all, and get on with living. And since then I have been busy doing just that. I have started exercising regularly at my local gym. I am hoping to lose a bit of weight and

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-69889424843934892612011-04-10T20:57:00.000+12:002011-04-10T20:57:02.841+12:00

This last week has felt like it needed a theme song, just because everything seems to pointing me forward. I have been feeling challenged about playing the victim. It is really easy to feel that I have very little choice about how I feel and I have also noticed how I often feel that I can't change situations that I am finding difficult. As I start to feel better I can see solutions or compromises

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-55125955149870765022011-04-06T20:05:00.000+12:002011-04-06T20:05:31.739+12:00

This Easter is Ella's second but the first where she will be help to understand some of why we are remembering Jesus and what he did. My hubby thinks it is silly that we celebrate it in autumn instead of spring just because the church apparently co-opted a pagan festival. The new life of the resurrection would make so much more sense to Ella if the world outside was living proof of the concept.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-3181840236399326512011-04-06T19:36:00.000+12:002011-04-06T19:36:24.304+12:00

With all my posts recently revealing the reality of depression as I experience it, I have had a few people ask me how they can help. And some people have commented on how they read my posts and then see me and I appear all chirpy. I think that these comments show why depression can be so difficult for those who care for someone who is depressed. And can make it very difficult to identify

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-66040114197522433432011-04-02T14:07:00.000+13:002011-04-02T14:07:55.667+13:00

This week was the first week of having a cleaner. She is going to come once a fortnight for 2 hours and do all the basics. On the morning of her first visit I had wrestled about how much I should tidy up before she arrived. I made sure the floor was clear and there were no health department issues, but beyond that I just left it. It was challenging to have someone come into our home and see the

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-17331031089017729392011-03-30T15:21:00.000+13:002011-03-30T15:21:28.194+13:00

At the weekend I had a wake up call. Somehow reality dawned in the lonely world of depressive self involvement and I realised that it was time to start acting like a grown up again. And I actually knew I could. The wierd thing with depression is that when it is really bad I really can't do much for myself or anyone else. When I am in deep distress the advice is to take care of you, any way you

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-18428380777076602152011-03-22T12:30:00.000+13:002011-03-22T12:30:55.265+13:00

I haven't written in a long time. I think the best way to describe it is that I have been under a rock, which was under water, some seriously dirty and deep water. The meds stopped working and we had to call in the crisis team again. I never thought it would happen again. I never thought I would go there again. For my husband and I the last month or so has been really hard. For my husband it has

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-79154017285290158112011-02-15T16:21:00.000+13:002011-02-15T16:21:42.216+13:00

I realised the other day when I was talking to someone, that I haven't blogged much about my job. At the moment my job is my saviour. Each week I work two days, I feel normal and useful and get such satisfaction. It keeps me hopeful that I can contribute despite feeling pretty messed up a lot of the time. It is a tricky question "What do you do?", especially when asking women who have kids. Some

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-2851443183324039442011-02-15T13:09:00.001+13:002011-02-15T13:09:30.061+13:00

It is getting a bit exhausting, the whole 'recovering from depression' thing. Between trying to eat healthy, exercise (still at the visualising stage), taking supplements, therapy and the upheaval that brings, as well as the depressive thoughts and feelings I still struggle with, life feels a bit too much like hard work at the moment. One thing which helps is reading other womens' stories. I

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-20411489201143331452011-02-03T20:05:00.000+13:002011-02-03T20:05:50.035+13:00

After a really rough weekend I started feeling more like myself yesterday and woke up smiling this morning. I has been about 10 days since a started transitioning back to my original SSRI and I had forgotten how much better they make me feel. It really shows me that the ones I tried just weren't working well enough for me to enjoy life and cope with pressure. I think antidepressants can get a

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-15033296786642005082011-02-01T21:25:00.000+13:002011-02-01T21:25:28.615+13:00

When I started blogging years ago it was really just for me. Over the years I have been very inconsistent with my writing but since I became a Mum, blogging has become a way for me to process my experiences and clarify my thoughts. I often think about what I want to write about and get frustrated when I forget an idea or don't have time or energy to write. As I have begun to share more and more

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-20441661450630516442011-02-01T10:40:00.000+13:002011-02-01T10:40:46.899+13:00

So last night we tried to start the night weaning process. The plan was for me to go out for a walk while hubby helped Ella get to sleep without me feeding her to sleep. Well and hour and a half later we concluded that this was a very silly idea. I had a lovely walk and after hubby being locked in the room for a very long time with a very upset child who had no interest in sleeping without Mama.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-66001887301585571702011-01-31T17:09:00.000+13:002011-01-31T17:09:35.563+13:00

During the last week I have been feeling pretty awful and part of that is this awful exhaustion and lethargy and a feeling that I just can't keep up with Ella. I know, that is just motherhood. But this is an almost numbing feeiling and I get really anxious cause I feel unable to look after Ella at all. It sets off a spiral downward where I feel like a terrible mother for feeling this way. It

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-53428453508137855762011-01-28T10:28:00.000+13:002011-01-28T10:28:01.238+13:00

I have depression. I have not recovered. I cannot leave the horror of the months after Ella was born behind because the blackness is still there. I wish I could, I wish I could tell the story of my recovery. I have been trying to tell it for over a year now. But it is not true, no matter how many people I tell or how much I try to ignore the reality. Don't get me wrong. I have been better, the

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-35695910927538470192011-01-20T14:45:00.000+13:002011-01-20T14:45:27.672+13:00

When someone says "to be honest...", you know something you don't want to hear is about to be spoken. At the moment I am feeling very challenged to be honest with myself about who I really am rather what I think or hoped I would be. It is upsetting to realise that I had such a strong idea of what I was going to be like when I became Ella's Mum but to discover I am not like that at all. I spent

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-2090785394879332682011-01-18T08:09:00.000+13:002011-01-18T08:09:47.810+13:00

I think eating hats would be considered a little too much fibre for a healthy diet but it seems that since Ella was born I have eaten many. I spent quite a few years before we had Ella thinking about becoming a parent, spending time with friends and family who had young kids and reading lots of books. I felt quite embarassed about being so obsessed but now I also think it set me up well for the

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-40922918347033220472011-01-10T18:50:00.000+13:002011-01-10T18:50:40.433+13:00

While I was really depressed one of the ways I coped was to have something planned each day and to get out of the house. Over the holidays I have decided that I can't be that busy anymore and that I have been running away from being at home in fear of feeling down or feeling like I can't cope with caring for Ella. By the end of last year I felt like someone else was running my life rather than me

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-38813782200264894912011-01-06T22:04:00.000+13:002011-01-06T22:04:52.483+13:00

Over the holiday season we have spent time with lots of friends and family and have had a wonderful time. We have also been to lots of places and tried new things with Ella. It has been such a blast but I have developed a case of creeping insecurity. I think it is a common condition to afflict parents when you are around other people, in close proximity and people see your child and the way you

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-20823679174910816462010-12-27T15:00:00.000+13:002010-12-27T15:00:54.869+13:00

Over the last few months I have been thinking a bit more about the path to recovery from depression and the catch 22 of taking antidepressants. For post natal depression and recurrent depression the research shows that a combination of medication, cognitive behavioural therapy, excercise and good nutrition can help people to recover and maintain good mental health. But the problem with research

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-74343597764087125232010-12-27T12:42:00.000+13:002010-12-27T12:42:35.396+13:00

Christmas has come and gone and the dust is settling. Just before Christmas Ella and I were struck down by a nasty bug and I was busy with finishing off at school. We also had some family worries on our minds. So by the time we packed up for the road trip to my sister's for Christmas I was feeling pretty stretched and like I might topple over in a stiff breeze. Through all of this my mothering

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-86023698577389779802010-12-19T07:11:00.000+13:002010-12-19T07:11:42.588+13:00

My lack of posts recently is really reflective of a general feeling that my life is too full. And adding blogging to my life which seems to already be bursting at the seams, seemed impossible. But as I have been lying awake at night in the awful Auckland humidity I have been wondering how things ended up like this and conducting a little stocktake of my life. I am not one for New Year's

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-10969016707222199742010-11-08T13:34:00.000+13:002010-11-08T13:34:32.865+13:00

 WARNING - this is a pretty happy clappy Christian post. I feel uncomfortable writing it. I have not suddenly joined a cult or had one of those "moments". I am just being honest and it is how a truly feel. I apologise in advance if it reads as cheesy. Sometimes even in these sophisticated and cynical times cheesy is where it is at. I was recently asked to share my story at a Mum's group which

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-48614301775334259392010-10-10T21:39:00.000+13:002010-10-10T21:39:32.436+13:00

Just thought I should acknowledge the name change for my blog. For years the Real Life name hasn't matched the website address. Blame it on blogging naievity when I first set it up. I liked the Real Life name but wanted to make it all make a bit more sense and be easier to find. So welcome to NZgirl. Feeling less of a girl now but still definitely in NZ.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-65188510665804021842010-10-07T10:18:00.001+13:002010-10-07T10:18:51.947+13:00

Thank you for all your comments yesterday. I am letting the dust settle and thinking about why it hit a nerve so much for me. Hopefully with time I will know what to do about the doctor issue. But I think I need to let the sting settle before I make my next move.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-47295757962433476292010-10-06T13:00:00.000+13:002010-10-06T13:00:29.310+13:00

I am incensed, and not in a zen and smokey kind of way. I haven't posted for ages as we have been suffering through the winter of viruses. Finally I thought we were through it but Ella and I are sick again and so off to the doctor I went, suspecting we both needed antibiotics. Now I love my doctor, I have been to her since I was a child and I like her straightforward approach and how honest I can

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-84990742819629332512010-08-30T21:24:00.000+12:002010-08-30T21:24:47.137+12:00

Ever since Ella was born I have been trying to work out how to do faith and my walk with God as a Mum. I haven't blogged about spirituality for a long time. I guess I have felt self-conscious about it and also like it was all just too hard. I have often found faith tough before but since becoming a Mum it has felt almost impossible. I guess in my mind I have a picture of what a healthy

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-41208172691448285022010-08-30T20:58:00.000+12:002010-08-30T20:58:28.172+12:00

I have been so AWOL with blogging recently. My life feels so full with the absolute basics plus work that I never seem able to fit in the next layer of things I would like to do. I am constantly thinking of ideas for writing, or making, or doing but I am either asleep before I can do them or just cannot find a moment to do them. Apparently Mum blogs are huge and there was even a big conference

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-65396238688148178502010-08-09T12:52:00.002+12:002010-08-09T12:52:54.855+12:00

I am just making or organising tea. And I am very excited cause lots of the ingredients are from our patch. It is kedgeree. So the fish is the left over kahawai which hubby baked on Friday. The rice is obviously exotic in origin. But the eggs, parsley, leek and spring onion were all sourced from about 2-10 metres from my stove top. It is the first meal in ages which is so home grown but I have to

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-77176051702073919012010-08-06T21:25:00.000+12:002010-08-06T21:25:40.204+12:00

This week I have been thinking a lot about the different selves I seem to have or inhabit in a week. There is the Mum self who looks after Ella and the teacher self who can almost forget she is a mother, and the woman full of all the these ideas and dreams but no time or space to do them in. The way motherhood is presented or at least described is often very black and white about identity. You

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-82112865352069729162010-07-31T09:26:00.000+12:002010-07-31T09:26:10.555+12:00

Yesterday I had the privilege of someone sharing their dream with me about living in community with another family and caring for each other. It was wonderful to hear someone else thinking along the same lines as I do but actually doing it! It was also great to be able to affirm her dream when so many people had reacted negatively to it because it doesn't fit the model of security and success

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-50694242116663475552010-07-07T19:53:00.001+12:002010-07-07T20:06:17.599+12:00

We bought 3 chickens in December last year. There was great excitement as hubby and father in law built the coop and the chickens arrived. There were a few days of fear as the local cats got used to the fact that chickens fight back and a few months of getting rid of ratty and his relatives. Thankfully the neighbours must have intuitively known about our plight and cut down the bamboo which was

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-77003075819981407452010-07-07T19:43:00.000+12:002010-07-07T19:43:23.555+12:00

So it has been a few days since I committed myself to the year long challenge of shopping consciously and the warm glow of self righteousness is fading into the reality of few choices and priciness. So did the supermarket shop and stuck to the usual routine. Bought only NZ produce, didn't check the back of the cans and went with price so I hate to think where the tinned tomatoes are from and got

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-34222841870381391002010-07-04T20:45:00.000+12:002010-07-04T20:45:57.595+12:00

I am a very idealistic person. I know how I think life and the world should be and I get disappointed quite frequently that it is not that way. You would think I would learn, but instead I have decided to go with it. I think if a marketer described me they would say I am a "reformer". I want to change things and make them better. Well, most of the time, except for when I am tired, can't be

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-85261426745685285342010-06-30T16:19:00.000+12:002010-06-30T16:19:46.114+12:00

Last week Ella turned one. What a huge milestone and what a celebration. Ella is growing so fast and is such a delight. I love seeing her personality develop and as she learns I feel like I am getting to know who she really is bit by bit. It is funny cause when she was born I loved her, but I didn't know who she was. A year on I can see bits of me and bits of her Dad but there are parts of her

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-9006353828545952392010-06-30T15:38:00.000+12:002010-06-30T15:38:30.758+12:00

Recently I have been hit by one bug after another. I got so run down and just couldn't recover. I decided since my GP could only say "take a paracetamol" that I would see a naturopath. Six weeks later and I am feeling so much better. Apart from pills and potions she had a good look at my week and saw how busy I was. So I have scaled back my life and tried to make sleep a priority. She also

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-78357142993450835992010-06-16T21:49:00.001+12:002010-06-16T21:50:29.257+12:00

Why do we believe so strongly in individual freedom? If you think about it, no-one is really "free". We all have responsibilities and people whose feelings and needs we consider before doing whatever we like. So why when I became a Mum were so many people and books so keen for me to have my "freedom" back? I have noticed the same things with weddings. A couple of ceremonies I have been guest at

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-11067690750882075432010-06-12T10:22:00.000+12:002010-06-12T10:22:44.517+12:00

I have been MIA for the last wee while as I have been struck down with virus after virus for the last couple of months. Ella seems to pick up something just as I get a bit better and then down I go again. So last week I decided something had to change and went to a naturopath. I think they are great for when you aren't sick enough for the doctor to help but you aren't well. As a result I am on a

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-53955342834792917982010-05-19T16:18:00.000+12:002010-05-19T16:18:39.669+12:00

Today I feel inspired. I always feel this way after going to La Leche League. Meeting with stunning women who are living their lives and sharing their struggles and triumphs is such good food for my soul. I love listening to the stories and sharing my thoughts. I also feel encouraged to be more than just one dimensional. I think some people think of motherhood as being 'on demand' for their child

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-63728155907307055222010-05-10T10:35:00.000+12:002010-05-10T10:35:17.592+12:00

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about Ella's birth. I think it is part of the natural process of healing and coming to terms with all I have been through in the last year. I find myself remembering a lot more about the details of the birth and questioning whether I made the right decisions. For me, having a C section made the beginning of being a Mum very tough and certainly

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-31420974758582405602010-05-05T13:39:00.000+12:002010-05-05T13:39:02.453+12:00

Some days are just pyjama days. Like today. I have had two nights looking after a sick Ella and I am stuffed. So today we are staying in our pyjamas. We are doing the bare minimum. Just having a day where in my head we are resting. The dishes are piling up, the house is a mess, but we are resting. Unfortunately no-one told the lawnmowing guy or another visitor who had her dates mixed up. But I

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-80710263442722530732010-04-28T10:21:00.000+12:002010-04-28T10:21:53.989+12:00

I work as an English teacher with teen mums and we have 3 mums with young babies who have just started with us. It is the first time since Ella was wee that I have been around tiny new babies for more than a visit for a cup of tea. It has shocked me how much it has brought back about those first few months with Ella. I had forgotten how tiny she was and how much I was just guessing about what to

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-64729644509369969542010-04-20T19:40:00.001+12:002010-05-05T14:36:19.077+12:00

I recently spent a long weekend at the beach I stayed at when I was little. It was so wonderful to revisit a place which has such strong, happy memories for me. But it reminded me of how untrustworthy memory is. I remembered the long walk to the shop. It is actually only 2 baches down the road. I remembered the walk over the hill to the next bay as being a huge tramp and Mum encouraging us to

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-81223334118667253752010-04-20T19:30:00.000+12:002010-04-20T19:30:19.947+12:00

Today and really and the last couple of weeks have felt like a constant process of bubbles bursting. You know, those lovely but maybe naive beliefs about life and how it works that we grow up believing are true and how life should work and slowly as we grow up (or for some, suddenly and all at once) they burst. At the moment it seems that all the bubbles have burst. All around me and in my own

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-22933244304453256782010-04-14T15:04:00.000+12:002010-04-14T15:04:26.732+12:00

Since I became a Mum I have been slowly working through the fundamental struggles which most Mums have. Sleep and food. Both for me and for Ella. They are such controversial areas among parents and apparent 'experts'. I have asked so many people for advice and wrestled with what works for Ella, for me, for our family and strangely often the opinions I have given the most attention are other

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-30345868149747586312010-04-14T14:37:00.000+12:002010-04-14T14:37:03.011+12:00

I have been posting very infrequently because I have been wrestling with why I am blogging at all and who this is for. I often have ideas of things I would like to write about but auto censor what I think because I don't want people to know my real opinions or I don't want people to be offended. Also most of the things I want to post about are to do with my life as a Mum. And I am self conscious

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-70382722530010599652010-03-31T19:20:00.000+13:002010-03-31T19:20:07.714+13:00

I while ago I heard someone comment about how some people are 'joiners'. They will join anything which moves and love to be on committees. The way it was described it seemed to be something to be embarrassed about and a sign of some personal insecurity. At the time I thought maybe that was true and I know there are people who seem addicted to committees. But I think I am proud to be a bit of a

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-78020819972043298972010-03-11T17:49:00.000+13:002010-03-11T17:49:55.572+13:00

Eclectic Effervescence: Offense.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-46020420350065987642010-03-11T17:45:00.001+13:002010-03-11T17:46:08.773+13:00

Eclectic Effervescence: Offense. Check this out. Facebook must be very male dominated where its management is concerned!

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-31937676443866802582010-03-11T16:13:00.000+13:002010-03-11T16:13:57.536+13:00

Anyone who knows me will know that Ella's sleep has been a common topic of conversation. She still wakes at night and recently stopped napping in her cot during the day. Every few weeks I hit a wall of exhaustion and we re-evaluate how we are dealing with things and try to improve the situation. We got to the point at the weekend where I just felt desperate and exhausted and just couldn't go on

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-21900032637104645052010-02-04T08:46:00.000+13:002010-02-04T08:46:30.404+13:00

This week I got my dream job. For years I have wanted to work in a teen parent unit and the opportunity has come up to work part time teaching English. As I was interviewed and then started preparing for the term to start I have been amazed that so much of my teaching experience which I thought was a big mess of restlessness and bad decisions turns out to have prepared me so well for this role. I

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-15550562909826235642010-02-04T08:38:00.000+13:002010-02-04T08:38:21.000+13:00

Sleep - the eternal debate. I have been struggling with helping Ella to sleep. She is a really alert baby and struggles to relax enough to sleep. But this morning as I fed her after trying to settle her for a while she peacefully closed her eyes, turned her head away and stretched towards her cot. I put her down and she drifted off. What a beautiful moment where I was able to help her to relax

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-5263285749185080982010-02-04T08:21:00.000+13:002010-02-04T08:21:42.771+13:00

Sometimes I have magical weeks where it seems like everything is going smoothly. Ella and I seem to have this whole thing sorted. I am doing lots and getting lots done. The house is clean, the laundry done and I have managed to cook each night. I feel I am awesome at this motherhood thing. But I also call these weeks manic weeks. Because it is not reality, it cannot last. I am doing too much and

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-15966914344681281302009-12-18T10:45:00.003+13:002009-12-18T10:55:45.911+13:00

The last few weeks I have been doing some part time work from home. It has been really difficult. I found myself resenting Ella's interuptions to my flow of work and the pressure of deadlines with the unpredictable reality of a young baby was so stressful. But now that it is over I realise I learnt a lot. I can work very fast when I need too. That when Ella is awake she is a joy and I never want

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-30164186132407610642009-11-22T16:55:00.003+13:002009-11-22T17:05:27.896+13:00

The last few weeks have been pretty rough. Ella is waking between 4 and 6 times each night and it is taking its toll. I have struggled to work out how far I am prepared to go to get her to sleep for longer at night. And last night we had a dash to A and E cause she wouldn't feed. These experiences and my chats with other Mums have led to some pretty real reflection on being a mother and all it

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-62358974061426220162009-10-20T10:44:00.003+13:002009-10-20T11:03:18.278+13:00

I haven't been getting much sleep. I think this must be a universal truth spoken by all parents. My husband and I have been trying to find ways to get a bit more. And it is a tricky business. There is so much advice when it comes to sleep and so many promises but few actual guarantees. What I have found is that it isn't just the technique which matters but whether that technique feels right and

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-79091989227765940302009-10-12T12:03:00.002+13:002009-10-12T12:11:32.499+13:00

Over the last few weeks I have been slowly getting used to being on my own with Ella. I am so pleased to not need someone with me anymore and to feel so well now. However, it often seems as mothering and parenting in general is such a complicated business. I have been forced to keep it simple because of my mental health. I haven't managed to do anything except the basics and when people have

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-3562999186748177392009-09-20T20:45:00.002+12:002009-09-20T20:48:25.601+12:00

Friday was my last day with the respite nurse coming to help me. She has been coming for the last 2 months and my support worker has gradually weaned me off having her. I feel so good about it and feel like I am about to start really being a Mum now. It is amazing how far I have come in such a short time. It was only recently that I hadn't even left the house with Ella because it was all so

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-58018521786696177562009-09-16T16:28:00.002+12:002009-09-16T16:44:40.455+12:00

The past 12 weeks have been quite the journey and I certainly haven't reached the destination. The first couple of months being a Mum were pure survival. Recovering from surgery, sleep deprivation and PND are a lethal combination which I would not wish on anyone. At first I felt like Ella was a mystery to me. I knew what the books said and I thought I knew how I wanted to parent but a newborn is

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-65218013502432695062009-09-14T08:16:00.002+12:002009-09-14T08:26:29.439+12:00

I am slowly returning to the world after a rather shocking start to motherhood. Ella's birth definitely did not go as planned and ended in a C-section. Anyone who thinks that is the easy option is misinformed. Being on strong pain relief and not being able to move around is such a hard way to start out. By about 3 weeks after Ella's arrival it was pretty clear I was not my usual self and was

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-75186957960441462362009-07-21T17:40:00.004+12:002009-09-14T08:16:24.265+12:00

On the 24th of June Ella Rose was welcomed into the word. She is truly a delight and bundle of joy!Becoming a Mum is quite the mind bending experience but she is making the transition smoother. I am so excited about learning who she is and having adventures tugether.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-53226590603443635082009-04-06T10:01:00.002+12:002009-04-06T10:04:59.270+12:00

Sadly on Friday our beloved Tabitha pussy cat was hit by a car. So in memory of a member of a family here is a tribute to her.She was such an affectionate cat who loved cuddles and sleeping in our bed. She also was a talker and when she came into the house she would call out to you until you replied. She loved playing hide and seek and thought that changing the sheets on the bed was the best fun

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-38162692039194883062009-03-22T13:08:00.002+13:002009-03-22T13:18:49.115+13:00

Being pregnant again has really tested my ability to trust God with our baby. After experiencing losing a baby once and the randomness of it and the lack of control I had in the whole process it is hard to trust that God will protect the baby growing inside of me. It makes me ask a lot of hard questions like why he didn't protect our first child and what makes this pregnancy different?I think the

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-79699346658177929382009-01-14T10:32:00.002+13:002009-01-14T10:49:53.867+13:00

It has certainly been awhile. This seems to the pattern with my blog. After my last post things changed in bigger ways than I had really expected. I had decided to leave teaching and spend a year doing some theological study and thinking about what next for my life. I have spent the last 3 years wanting to start a family and it hadn't happened so I decided that living my life on pause was not

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-11245904812371944902008-10-09T10:02:00.002+13:002008-10-09T10:11:05.249+13:00

I am feeling so revived and excited about the future. It has been gloomy year for me where I feel like I can only see a few feet in front of me and my past calls me more than my future. But some seeds have been planted over the last few months which have helped me see that there are possibilites for my future that I never would have considered before.I had forgotten what it felt like to feel

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-64424646022051736002008-10-07T09:26:00.002+13:002008-10-07T09:30:24.570+13:00

I am a bit of a procrastinator. Hence me writing this now rather than doing marking...Any way, I often procrastinate for emotional reasons. It is not as if the thing I am avoiding it even very bad or hard, but for some reason I have an emotional block about it. I just don't want to go there. Sometimes I do the same thing to God. I avoid Him because I have some feelings and thoughts I just don't

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-45443888463852098732008-10-02T12:50:00.002+13:002008-10-02T12:55:43.260+13:00

The little things which get me through the day and give me those little moments of joy which remind me of what life is supposed to be about:having a great conversationa hot cup of teapicking veges from the gardencuddling my catnoticing the weathercooking our own foodmaking silly jokes that go on and on and make me hystericalunexpected mailreading the bible and prayingwriting in my journalescaping

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-67374801931071966992008-09-18T16:32:00.002+12:002008-09-18T16:54:23.286+12:00

I have been thinking about what to do when my plans and dreams do not happen. What do you do when the things you dream of do not happen when and how you want? What if they are things beyond your control?I think there are two choices or ends of the continuum of reaction to this situation. At one end I could doggedly stick to the plan and the dream despite the fact that it continues to not be

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-26333268956086310612008-08-07T17:33:00.002+12:002008-08-07T17:47:59.059+12:00

It is has been a long time. Lots of wrestling and hard things to accept and deal with. And I have been contemplating holding on. When things in life are not co-operating, when life seems disappointing and draining, what do you do?Well what is working for me is doing the little things that I know are the right things to do and hanging on. So I have been reading my bible in the mornings, trying to

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-82523175423731465712008-05-16T12:01:00.002+12:002008-05-16T12:16:56.070+12:00

I have been thinking hard about how I really was not prepared for being an adult. When I think back about the wisdom I gained growing up in Church a lot of the advice was about the amazing plans and purposes God has for me. However, not much was ever said about the pain of death and disappointment that all people will face at some time and I cannot remember hearing a sermon about how to wait and

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-13102931716046214142008-04-28T17:15:00.002+12:002008-04-28T17:21:58.945+12:00

I was thinking about the Steinlager Pure advertisement which states that New Zealand's culture is defined by what we have said "No" to eg. nuclear power/weapons, GE etc.I was thinking about whether my "No's" define me.I think they do to a certain extent. But I would rather my Yes's did. I want to be defined by what I am for, rather than what I am against. If all I am is a bunch of disagreeing and

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-3704065756490305932008-04-24T08:15:00.003+12:002008-04-24T08:29:34.767+12:00

I am so grateful for the friends God has blessed me with. When I am struggling and feel like my perspective is warped I am always amazed at how one of my friends will say just the right thing to help me to see my life with clearer vision. They are also often able to show me compassion and understanding when I can not show that to myself. They really do make Jesus' love for me real, even when He

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-53753380404535784032008-04-15T08:23:00.002+12:002008-04-15T08:33:01.089+12:00

As a teacher I spend lots of time with teenagers. Recently I have realised how much more shocked and disturbed I am by the things they talk about and what they believe is okay. I had a chat with a few kids about bullying and they all thought it was wrong but believed they could do nothing about it. Other students I overhear talk about fights at the weekend, showing each other footage on their

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-56659333655575942362008-04-11T09:36:00.002+12:002008-04-11T09:39:02.042+12:00

This week has been totally gorgeous. Blue dome days, crisp mornings and warm sunshine on my back as I eat my lunch. God does a good thing when inside I feel down but the day shows me there is always hope and beauty in the world. I just have to believe it.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-61855781850150821182008-04-03T20:03:00.002+13:002008-04-03T20:10:35.003+13:00

I have been dealing with faith over the last few weeks. With all I went through last year it taught me that anything can happen in life and that I need to depend on God. Now I am facing the fact that if I am really honest I struggle to believe many of the promises in the Bible. I can see all the exceptions where faithful people have terrible things happen to them, despite prayer and trusting God.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-5463857719278552352008-03-30T14:28:00.002+13:002008-03-30T14:38:36.239+13:00

This may not be revelation to you, but it has challenged me. Yesterday I went to a seminar given by a guy from L'abri in Sydney. He was talking about Christianity and Science. One session was about the rise and rise of New Age philosophy and spirituality as an answer for peope searching for healing and hope. He mentioned that many forms of therapy can fit under the umbrella of New Age.One thing

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-80104660938869821752008-03-27T20:01:00.002+13:002008-03-27T20:34:10.781+13:00

Wow! It is already the end of March. So much water under the bridge. We had an amazing holiday in the South Island over the summer holidays. When I look at the photos I am amazed at all that we saw and did. I just didn't realise how amazing it was when I was there. I can't wait to see more of beautiful New Zealand.

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-41345095307255943842007-12-11T15:58:00.000+13:002007-12-11T16:10:11.800+13:00

I find it hard to get into the Christmas spirit. This is always such a busy time of year and I am always running on empty, just hanging on for the lazy days of January. I feel like it should still be August because the last few months have been such a blur. When I worked in retail, the Christmas carol CD which played would get me into the mood in November and I would be totally over it by

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-9564952023425302262007-12-07T12:18:00.000+13:002007-12-07T12:28:38.509+13:00

I am a total sucker for personality tests and excercises which help me understand myself better. The following are two tests I like.www.8tribes.co.nz - this one is from a book written by a kiwi woman who has broken down the New Zealand population into 8 classes. According to the test I am a cross between Balclutha and Grey Lynn. I found it really helpful. I now know why I want to be a greeny but

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-28588495147521706352007-12-07T12:08:00.000+13:002007-12-07T12:17:18.590+13:00

I cannot believe that 2007 is nearly over. I am finishing up at my current job and moving on to a new school. I am excited about the move but feel really sad that things haven't worked out the way I planned here, for me personally really. I had planned 2007 and what it would mean for me and I find myself at the end of the year feeling like nothing happened. Well a lot has happened but not much

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-38514255247258345612007-11-16T15:09:00.000+13:002007-11-16T15:21:03.436+13:00

I am popping my head up above the surface every now and then. I have felt overwhelmed by the reality of what I am going through but today I feel it lifting. It is so hard accepting that I am no longer pregnant and will not be having a baby in February. But there is something comfortingly real about the cold, hard facts. I find myself being swept away by grief and it physically hurts, but facts

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-72345077208789168682007-10-02T18:21:00.000+13:002007-10-02T18:33:03.808+13:00

The last couple of weeks have gone by so fast. Returning to work and dealing with being a totally different person than when I left, dealing with people saying things and not saying things. Thankfully the school holidays arrived and saved me from the intensity of it all. But burying myself in work has been such a relief. It allows my brain and heart to rest from all the thinking and helps me to

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-33633998103037329422007-09-04T16:30:00.000+12:002007-09-04T16:37:39.924+12:00

So we had an appointment yesterday which basically means we are on hold for any family plans for the next year or so. So what do I do with myself now? I was quite happy to be leaving work at the end of the year and being a Mum at home. So now what?I think this is making the grief even more severe. I am not only grieving what we have lost and the innocense which is also gone, but also I am left

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-72171777186310735662007-09-02T09:12:00.000+12:002007-09-02T09:21:35.362+12:00

They say that the stages of grief begin with denial and then move to anger. I think I am moving to anger. Up until now I have been able to see the silver lining in losing our baby, there are so many things we were wanting to do and sort out and waiting a bit longer to start a family will make those things possible.But, to be honest, who cares?!!! I just want to have a baby! And not having one

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-21091311362245895172007-08-29T10:00:00.000+12:002007-08-29T10:09:33.588+12:00

The last few days are a crazy blur. On Friday we found out our baby had died and that there were some other complications. We had to wait till Monday for me to have surgery and I am now recovering at home. I can't believe how everything has changed in such a short time.Our friends and family have been amazing and I have been overwhelmed by the love people have shown. I have also been so grateful

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-38661313686896627052007-08-08T15:56:00.000+12:002007-08-08T16:04:16.173+12:00

I have been thinking a lot about how my identity is going to change once the baby arrives and I am actually really looking forward to it. I have had creeping dissatisfaction with working for the last couple of years and even though I love lots about my work I am looking forward to the change of pace and focus of being at home. Apparently teachers have the highest rates of post natal depression. I

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-85079761594778935972007-08-07T10:47:00.000+12:002007-08-07T11:02:06.138+12:00

I have been absent from cyberspace for the last few months. I haven't been feeling my usual purky self. Actually I have been feeling awful. But I am starting to feel better so I am back online.Thankfully there is a very logical reason for me to be feeling so under the weather. I am 14 weeks pregnant!I am very happy and excited about this new phase of my life. Now that the morning sickness seems

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-84929007983366096092007-05-16T17:10:00.000+12:002007-05-16T17:24:45.140+12:00

Do you find it hard to know what you think? To know who you are and what you are about?I am really struggling with this and I am only just realising what a profound impact it has on my life. Anyone who knows me will tell you I am a rather opinionated woman. But having opinions about non-personal issues and ideas is pretty straight forward for me.What I find hard is knowing my own mind, hearing

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126075.post-28838218831008677532007-05-06T17:02:00.000+12:002007-05-06T17:08:39.583+12:00

I am a teacher so you would think I would love learning, not so much today though.I have begun a distance course in tutoring kids with Learning Difficulties. It is through an organisation called SPELD. There is a link to their website in the Links I Like. I am excited about learning something new and something which will be so useful for me in my job. But I am having a little trouble getting my

Marionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08828826708064275040noreply@blogger.com0